Breaking News: The Latest on A New Discovery

By Grace Bernstein

It’s been three months sinch dinosaurs first appeared in Time Square during Dick Clark’s New Years Rockin’ Eve and are now ready to enter society. After months of investigation with the Central Intelligence of Dinosaurs (CID), the dinosaurs are ready to open up to the public and let us in on the big scoop. Now that these prehistoric historians are back, the world has some questions, and we have the answers. The Talon conducted a survey and collected the questions of inquiring minds at Oak Hall:

“Why have the dinosaurs re-appeared now?” (Asked by senior Jenna Poppell)

According to the CID, the dinosaurs were hiding on the moon after the Ice Age. In order to fully understand this situation, I went directly to the source. Enter King of the Dino’s, a pterodactyl that goes by the name Benny. We asked Benny how the dinosaurs got to the moon of all places.

“Well, I can obviously fly but you know the others are just so slow, and that’s a problem. Eventually we just came up with teleportation…it just seemed like the easiest way to get them all there,” he said.

A very nonchalant but understandable answer. This easy fix got everyone where they needed to be in a timely manner. According to NASA it is an unnatural phenomenon that dinosaurs could breathe in space, but one can only assume they had on space suits.

An illustration drawn by Benny of life in space

“Why is a pterodactyl the leader? What happened to the T-Rex?” (Asked by senior Sarah Youngblood)

Benny eagerly flew in to answer this question.

“As you know, I can fly. And Cornelius [the tyrannosaurus] has small arms. How would he do anything? Weirdly he is a pretty good tennis player,” said the pterodactyl. Benny quickly told us not to tell Cornelius this information, but clearly, we don’t do anything off the record.

With these final words about his assumed rival, he flew off causing several cars around us to topple over.

With this we went directly to the Cornelius to get some more information and ask some more questions about the world’s current situation.

“Are they here to take over society?” (Asked by senior Elle Store)

“Not just yet. We want to be able to learn about society more so we can function normally. I also would like to battle Serena Williams in a tennis match,” said the short-armed dino.

It seems Cornelius is more interested in tennis then we thought, and we might have a new tennis champ on our hands! Before he left, he made sure to drop off his highlight reel of him playing tennis, just in case we ran into Mrs. Williams and show her:

Cornelius showing off his amazing tennis skills

On a serious note, we tried to ask him about his eating habits to clue us into if he was still a carnivore, but he remained silent. However, he was suspiciously gnawing on a tree like a baby trying broccoli for the first time.

Dinosaur fanatics are raving, and museums curators are left dumbfounded after a pink triceratops showed up in a bounce house.

With all this hectic nonsense going on there was only one question left for these timeless creatures:

“Can the Cardinals beat the Cubs this year?” (Asked by an anonymous Upper School teacher)

Katheryn the sauroposeidon wanted to answer this question.
“Well actually [redacted], it’s really interesting no one would have guessed what can happen because of the trade with [redacted] and then [redacted]. But what really surprises me is how the Cardinals figured out how to [redacted]!! All in all, it’ll be a great game!”